Evanescent, you were. A mirage. Fugacious. Mellifluous. The flame to my gasoline that charred my ingénue heart. So terrifyingly close, then so fleetingly far. You were a trickster, who was furtive around my beating heart. That beating heart which dedicated each and every little beat for you. Ineffable, the pain.
Burning and surging through my veins each time my despondent eyes met that photograph, of your devilish smile that captivated my heart. That smile that just ravished my innocent self, that smile that sunk me into your lies. Burning, dark lies. Those lies, that added to my plethora of pain. Those lies that pinned me down while I screamed bloody murder, when tears of indescribable pain escaped me, while I hung onto your feet and begged for you to stay.
“Why wasn’t I enough?! Why am I not what he wants?! What’s wrong with me?!
The deafening roars of unbearable torturous thoughts. I remember howling like a banshee, yearning for you touch and yet, you were far, far away.
Please, come back. Please, please.
You determined my self-worth. You were my absinthe. Acervuline doubt and pain tortured me day and night, the blood from my wrists colored my floors. Deep, dark red. I screamed for love while you laughed, acidulously, enjoying my pain. Aeipathic, I was. For you. And yet, there you stood. Walking on my broken bones.
You set them free. You set my demons free. They scream and brew, and wail in my head. They ask me to paint the floor red. They bloviate. Till they reach the crescendo and I wail in pain asking them to stop. They ask me to end it. They send me to a state of delirium, encomiums of your success in breaking my heart into shards fill my mind by the demons you set on me. Till all my endurance breaks.
And while I clutch my elixir of escape, my little vial of poison, I ponder over the time you held me as your muse. When you were my ensconce. All my eyes see now is formulaic pain. I wish for my halcyon. I wish to end this pain.
But.. But, my love, will you miss me?